Couples Therapy in San Diego | Emotionally Focused Therapy
Relationships Change. So Do the Two People in Them.
Relationships move through different seasons. Careers change, families grow, stress increases, losses happen, priorities shift, and the ways we once stayed connected may not work quite as well anymore.
Sometimes couples notice a gradual distance. Other times, something specific — a betrayal, attachment injury, major transition, or years of unresolved conflict has changed the relationship. And sometimes both partners still care deeply about one another but can’t seem to stop having the same fight.
That doesn’t necessarily mean the relationship is failing. It may mean the two of you have become caught in a pattern that is difficult to change from inside of it.
When You’re Really Struggling
You don’t need to wait until you’re certain about the future of your relationship to come to couples therapy. You can come in angry, disconnected, hurt, unsure, or exhausted from trying to fix the same thing over and over again.
Using Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), we’ll slow down what happens between you and begin to understand the cycle that has taken over. Rather than deciding who is right or teaching you the perfect way to communicate, we’ll work with the emotions, attachment needs, and protective responses underneath the conflict.
The goal is not a relationship without difficult moments. It’s a relationship where those moments no longer have to pull you so far apart.
What Couples Therapy Can Help With
Couples therapy can help when the relationship has become a place of tension, distance, or uncertainty, or when you simply don’t feel as connected as you once did. You may still love each other deeply and, at the same time, have a hard time reaching one another when it matters most.
Using Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), we work with the patterns that have developed between you and the emotional experiences underneath them. This may include:
Rebuilding trust after betrayal or an attachment injury
Understanding and changing recurring cycles of conflict
Finding your way back to emotional and physical intimacy
Navigating distance, withdrawal, anger, or resentment
Creating greater emotional safety and responsiveness
Repairing after difficult moments rather than staying stuck in them
Feeling more able to reach for one another when you need connection
Strengthening the bond you already have
How Emotionally Focused Therapy Works
Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) helps couples understand what happens when connection feels threatened. Rather than focusing on who is right or wrong, we look at the cycle that takes over between you and the emotions, needs, and protective responses underneath it.
In therapy, we slow those moments down enough to make them more understandable. One partner may pursue, protest, criticize, or push for connection while the other withdraws, shuts down, becomes defensive, or tries to keep the peace. Over time, those responses can begin to reinforce each other and leave both partners feeling more alone.
The goal of EFT is to help you recognize that cycle, access the more vulnerable experience underneath it, and create new ways of reaching for and responding to one another.
About EFT
EFT is an attachment-based, experiential approach to couples therapy. It is grounded in research on adult attachment and focuses on strengthening emotional accessibility, responsiveness, and engagement between partners.
What I like about EFT is that it goes beyond communication skills. We are not simply trying to help you say the right thing. We are working to change the emotional experience between you, so that connection becomes easier to access even when things are hard.
Creating a Different Pattern
As couples begin to experience each other differently, the cycle can become less rigid. There may be more room for vulnerability, repair, trust, and connection.
The goal isn’t a perfect relationship. It’s a relationship where you can find your way back to one another more reliably.
Considering Couples Therapy?
If you’re curious about working together, we can start with a brief consultation to talk about what’s happening in your relationship and whether my approach feels like a good fit.
References:
What is EFT? ICEEFT (2017). Retrieved July 26, 2017, from http://www.iceeft.com/index.php/about-us/what-is-eft